养不教，父之过

Sometimes I have these big theories on how you should handle a certain situation with a kid because I have seen the down side of what happens to a kid a few years down the road when he/she is in a secondary school and one day the teacher calls to see you regarding some issues with the kid and you as the parent laments: 'But I don't know what to do with him(or her)'. I find this a really pathetic excuse.

Issues start early in life and if you don't nip the problem at the bud, as the parent, you are going to be on the losing end. I always believe that children in their intial years are like animals that needs behavioral conditioning. When the kid tries to push the boundary, limits has to be set and consequences conveyed. We do not wait till the problem reaches a state beyond control and start controlling, by then all is too late.

So how do you address the problem of a 8 year-old surfing porn internet? Knowing the parents, I don't think either of them are in the position to counsel the kid and neither will agree to send him for counselling, so the problem will be swept under the carpet and treated as though nothing ever happened. The parents don't realise the serious repercussions of their actions. And as an outsider, I am powerless to influence anyone.

With all these said, I just caught an episode of Super Nanny on Tuesday night, I highly suggest parents watch that program. I believe that all adults who have the intention to be a parent should be educated on how to be a parent as many just don't have the know-hows. Or better still, send them for a one-year teaching stint in a neighbourhood secodary school so they can see for themselves what kind of problems they perpetuate if they are irresponsible parents. As an ex-colleague use to say, you don't just give birth to a kid, it's a life-long responsibility and it's also the parents' responsibility to educate their children. 养不教，父之过, this old chinese saying definitely has its truth.

To teach a man to fish or to give him fish?

When I was in primary school, there was a poster in the AVA room that says: 'Give the man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach the man to fish, you feed him for life. ' or something in this context. Recently I have been pondering this question as I manage the interns that join the department. On the one hand, of course I would love to have someone who is competent and up to the job after I give him/her instructions but on the other hand, I don't have the luxury of time to keep checking on the person's work and keep going back to him/her and ask them to correct their mistakes. A colleague brought up today, instead of having the person getting it right after three or four times, she would rather do it herself and get it right one time.

My teaching years has taught me that not everyone has the intelligence to get it right the first time and not everyone has the initiative to learn things on their own but with me running between my roles, I just don't have the time to sit down and go through the same things over and over again. So where do I bridge the gap between teaching a person to fish or just do the work on my own and save myself the agony?