Finally the course is coming to an end soon with the last paper this coming Tuesday. Next steps will be to plan and actively search for a new internal posting. Really running out of tolerance for this new manager. I regret not taking leave on Monday *sighs* but I've run out of leave for the year. :(
Anyway why do I want to change jobs? Of course many instance but the latest one being, the reschedule of the Friday meeting to Monday when 1) I have been on leave for the last 2 days and have lots of work emails to catch up on Monday 2) Monday is already a busy meeting day for me without him adding in another hour 3) I still have paper on Tuesday and obviously I do not have time to think about work, much less think of ideas for him to go back to the director. Really fed-up with it. And that bloody email saying what good luck for exams, take chicken essence etc *puiz* just paying lip service only. What I will truly appreciate is leaving me alone to take my exams in peace and not add these extra stress on me. My colleague is right by saying he totally has no understanding for his subordinates at all, now I truly understand. Of course, how could a selfish person who has a stay home wife with three kids understand anything about stress, about juggling work, family and studying?
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
What it takes to be a good manager
Someone mentioned that for a manager, you've got to be confident about yourself. When the team perform, they will make the manager look good. Give the people their due credit in front of higher bosses, speak up for them when needed and reward them when you get a good rating for your performance because without them, it wouldn't be possible. Is this so difficult to do?
When other department bully your department staff, the least you can do is to stand up for them and not stand aside and keep quiet. Not ask your staff to do work and you take credit for it.
When other department bully your department staff, the least you can do is to stand up for them and not stand aside and keep quiet. Not ask your staff to do work and you take credit for it.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Morals vs laws
Doing the right thing while not dictated by the law, this is the objective that a developed country should be working towards. Of course, in every society, there are bound to be black sheep that lacks the basic moral values but that doesn't mean that we should resort to binding laws while not educating people on the right thing to do.
Eating on a bus vs not giving up seats to needy people, which one should warrant more condemnation? The idea behind fining people who eat on public transport is so that people don't dirty or litter on the public transport but that still doesn't stop people who don't eat from littering or dirtying it. At the end of the day, puny matters such as eating on public transport boils down to: are you a responsible person? If you are, then eating shouldn't matter as you will take care not to litter or if you dirty the place, you will clean it up. The law just assumes that everyone is irresponsible and so therefore bans you or better yet, earn some extra income from people who breaks the rule. The right thing to do therefore should be not littering or dirtying the place and NOT the action of eating or drinking.
I'm sure matters such as not giving up seats to the needy should warrant a more serious outlook than eating or drinking. Think of what the consequences could be should there be a sudden brake and an elderly or pregnant or handicapped person should lose their balance? And by the way, not just the people who are taking up the designated seats should give up the seat for the needy, this should be regardless of what seat anybody is in. Instead of blaming people who take up the designated seats and not giving them up, why don't they ask why did the rest not give up their seats?
I'm disappointed that Singaporeans should choose to be ruled by the law instead of using their conscience as a measure of what's right or what's wrong. To a typical law-abiding Singaporean, if there's no laws, it's ok to do it; if there's laws, you are so going to get it. So eating on public transport is a cause for hoo-haa and be subjected to fines while not giving up seats to the needy is left entirely up to a person's choice -- that says so much about the people in the country.
Eating on a bus vs not giving up seats to needy people, which one should warrant more condemnation? The idea behind fining people who eat on public transport is so that people don't dirty or litter on the public transport but that still doesn't stop people who don't eat from littering or dirtying it. At the end of the day, puny matters such as eating on public transport boils down to: are you a responsible person? If you are, then eating shouldn't matter as you will take care not to litter or if you dirty the place, you will clean it up. The law just assumes that everyone is irresponsible and so therefore bans you or better yet, earn some extra income from people who breaks the rule. The right thing to do therefore should be not littering or dirtying the place and NOT the action of eating or drinking.
I'm sure matters such as not giving up seats to the needy should warrant a more serious outlook than eating or drinking. Think of what the consequences could be should there be a sudden brake and an elderly or pregnant or handicapped person should lose their balance? And by the way, not just the people who are taking up the designated seats should give up the seat for the needy, this should be regardless of what seat anybody is in. Instead of blaming people who take up the designated seats and not giving them up, why don't they ask why did the rest not give up their seats?
I'm disappointed that Singaporeans should choose to be ruled by the law instead of using their conscience as a measure of what's right or what's wrong. To a typical law-abiding Singaporean, if there's no laws, it's ok to do it; if there's laws, you are so going to get it. So eating on public transport is a cause for hoo-haa and be subjected to fines while not giving up seats to the needy is left entirely up to a person's choice -- that says so much about the people in the country.
Monday, June 22, 2009
What is it like to change jobs?
The other day, someone asked me at lunch what was it like to change jobs, from teaching to the corporate world. Actually what's such a big deal about it? It's just like how anybody else will change company or change industry or in the teaching profession, change schools. After all these years, people are still amazed at my previous vocation and without fail, I always get the infamous question: so why did you want to leave teaching? And depending on my mood, sometimes I choose to be politically correct or I paint a terrible picture or if I'm not in the entertaining mood, it will be just a "like that lor".
I think that people thinks it's a huge change but at the end of the day, it's not about the technical skills that the job requires but how one gets along with people and also how adaptable to changes one is. Really, life is about meeting people and managing them. You may not like everyone but that doesn't mean you have to make everyone you dislike into an enemy (of course, sometimes there are exceptions).
I think that people thinks it's a huge change but at the end of the day, it's not about the technical skills that the job requires but how one gets along with people and also how adaptable to changes one is. Really, life is about meeting people and managing them. You may not like everyone but that doesn't mean you have to make everyone you dislike into an enemy (of course, sometimes there are exceptions).
Saturday, May 23, 2009
I'm back
Wow I realised that it's been sooo long since I've updated anything on my blog. Thanks to an old friend who came back to read and picked up the entry on the lemongrass jelly haha.
A quick update on my take of my life:
On studies: I've decided to do that course that I've been looking at for years and finally took action and registered. Well the studying part is great, going back to absorb new knowledge is great, and I thought I really loved being on the other side of the classroom again.
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On class assignments: Assignments are killers for working adults who are studying at the same time. Assignments has never been my thing whether it's 10 years ago or now. When it comes to assignments, I hate being a student and it doesn't help to have competitive classmates but thank goodness I have some great classmates who helped each other out so now into the last term, we're relying on each other to pull through.
So my conclusion is that school is a love-hate relationship, no matter which side of the classroom you're at.
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On babies: I have a nephew to call my own. Finally I'm old enough to see the day my younger cousin have a son. Love the chubby and happy kid but not spending enough time to play with him. My student had a daughter. Yes, you heard me right, it's my student who just turned 21 this year but is legally married, owns a flat and has a kid. I feel so old... I only got married at 29 and I don't have my own place and no kids.
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On turning 30 (part 1): I spent my 30th birthday at the happiest place on earth but by the end of the day I wasn't really that happy. My legs are aching from all the walk, no proper dinner, no present, no birthday cake... bad planning on the husband's part. It makes me miss my family who will get me a cake every year and celebrate my birthday. But my mummy still sms-ed me: happy birthday. :)
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On turning 30 (part 2): I received the letter from ICA asking me to go change my IC. When I made my first IC 18 years ago (and it was just a piece of laminated paper which later changed to plastic 2-3 years later), I thought that 30 is a really long way off. Now that I've hit it, I wonder where did all the 18 years go. Looking back, there's many things I probably would have done differently but looking at now, the decisions I made along the way made me who I am now. Better or worse? I wouldn't know. But let's just keep being happy and grateful for the things I have now.
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On house hunting: At first, my agent was really enthusiastic about showing us flats and it was very interesting to look at what people do (or don't do) to their house but at the end of the day we were tired out by all that viewing. And slowly as we refined our criteria, the perfect house seems to elude us even further and now everything has come to a standstill because nothing fits our criteria came our way. We would have bought one of the units we saw but that guy was asking for too much money. He can jolly well keep his house with the salmon-pink kitchen tiles which I would have gotten rid of pronto if I had the means to buy the house in the first place.
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On job: It's getting boring and it doesn't help that a new manager took over. I'm glad I had great teammates who pulled me through the job. Just counting down to the day where I can start requesting for internal transfers.
So that's the story of my life for the past x months that I didn't update my blog. :)
A quick update on my take of my life:
On studies: I've decided to do that course that I've been looking at for years and finally took action and registered. Well the studying part is great, going back to absorb new knowledge is great, and I thought I really loved being on the other side of the classroom again.
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On class assignments: Assignments are killers for working adults who are studying at the same time. Assignments has never been my thing whether it's 10 years ago or now. When it comes to assignments, I hate being a student and it doesn't help to have competitive classmates but thank goodness I have some great classmates who helped each other out so now into the last term, we're relying on each other to pull through.
So my conclusion is that school is a love-hate relationship, no matter which side of the classroom you're at.
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On babies: I have a nephew to call my own. Finally I'm old enough to see the day my younger cousin have a son. Love the chubby and happy kid but not spending enough time to play with him. My student had a daughter. Yes, you heard me right, it's my student who just turned 21 this year but is legally married, owns a flat and has a kid. I feel so old... I only got married at 29 and I don't have my own place and no kids.
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On turning 30 (part 1): I spent my 30th birthday at the happiest place on earth but by the end of the day I wasn't really that happy. My legs are aching from all the walk, no proper dinner, no present, no birthday cake... bad planning on the husband's part. It makes me miss my family who will get me a cake every year and celebrate my birthday. But my mummy still sms-ed me: happy birthday. :)
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On turning 30 (part 2): I received the letter from ICA asking me to go change my IC. When I made my first IC 18 years ago (and it was just a piece of laminated paper which later changed to plastic 2-3 years later), I thought that 30 is a really long way off. Now that I've hit it, I wonder where did all the 18 years go. Looking back, there's many things I probably would have done differently but looking at now, the decisions I made along the way made me who I am now. Better or worse? I wouldn't know. But let's just keep being happy and grateful for the things I have now.
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On house hunting: At first, my agent was really enthusiastic about showing us flats and it was very interesting to look at what people do (or don't do) to their house but at the end of the day we were tired out by all that viewing. And slowly as we refined our criteria, the perfect house seems to elude us even further and now everything has come to a standstill because nothing fits our criteria came our way. We would have bought one of the units we saw but that guy was asking for too much money. He can jolly well keep his house with the salmon-pink kitchen tiles which I would have gotten rid of pronto if I had the means to buy the house in the first place.
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On job: It's getting boring and it doesn't help that a new manager took over. I'm glad I had great teammates who pulled me through the job. Just counting down to the day where I can start requesting for internal transfers.
So that's the story of my life for the past x months that I didn't update my blog. :)
Friday, October 10, 2008
养不教，父之过
Sometimes I have these big theories on how you should handle a certain situation with a kid because I have seen the down side of what happens to a kid a few years down the road when he/she is in a secondary school and one day the teacher calls to see you regarding some issues with the kid and you as the parent laments: 'But I don't know what to do with him(or her)'. I find this a really pathetic excuse.
Issues start early in life and if you don't nip the problem at the bud, as the parent, you are going to be on the losing end. I always believe that children in their intial years are like animals that needs behavioral conditioning. When the kid tries to push the boundary, limits has to be set and consequences conveyed. We do not wait till the problem reaches a state beyond control and start controlling, by then all is too late.
So how do you address the problem of a 8 year-old surfing porn internet? Knowing the parents, I don't think either of them are in the position to counsel the kid and neither will agree to send him for counselling, so the problem will be swept under the carpet and treated as though nothing ever happened. The parents don't realise the serious repercussions of their actions. And as an outsider, I am powerless to influence anyone.
With all these said, I just caught an episode of Super Nanny on Tuesday night, I highly suggest parents watch that program. I believe that all adults who have the intention to be a parent should be educated on how to be a parent as many just don't have the know-hows. Or better still, send them for a one-year teaching stint in a neighbourhood secodary school so they can see for themselves what kind of problems they perpetuate if they are irresponsible parents. As an ex-colleague use to say, you don't just give birth to a kid, it's a life-long responsibility and it's also the parents' responsibility to educate their children. 养不教，父之过, this old chinese saying definitely has its truth.
Issues start early in life and if you don't nip the problem at the bud, as the parent, you are going to be on the losing end. I always believe that children in their intial years are like animals that needs behavioral conditioning. When the kid tries to push the boundary, limits has to be set and consequences conveyed. We do not wait till the problem reaches a state beyond control and start controlling, by then all is too late.
So how do you address the problem of a 8 year-old surfing porn internet? Knowing the parents, I don't think either of them are in the position to counsel the kid and neither will agree to send him for counselling, so the problem will be swept under the carpet and treated as though nothing ever happened. The parents don't realise the serious repercussions of their actions. And as an outsider, I am powerless to influence anyone.
With all these said, I just caught an episode of Super Nanny on Tuesday night, I highly suggest parents watch that program. I believe that all adults who have the intention to be a parent should be educated on how to be a parent as many just don't have the know-hows. Or better still, send them for a one-year teaching stint in a neighbourhood secodary school so they can see for themselves what kind of problems they perpetuate if they are irresponsible parents. As an ex-colleague use to say, you don't just give birth to a kid, it's a life-long responsibility and it's also the parents' responsibility to educate their children. 养不教，父之过, this old chinese saying definitely has its truth.
To teach a man to fish or to give him fish?
When I was in primary school, there was a poster in the AVA room that says: 'Give the man a fish, you feed him for a day. Teach the man to fish, you feed him for life. ' or something in this context. Recently I have been pondering this question as I manage the interns that join the department. On the one hand, of course I would love to have someone who is competent and up to the job after I give him/her instructions but on the other hand, I don't have the luxury of time to keep checking on the person's work and keep going back to him/her and ask them to correct their mistakes. A colleague brought up today, instead of having the person getting it right after three or four times, she would rather do it herself and get it right one time.
My teaching years has taught me that not everyone has the intelligence to get it right the first time and not everyone has the initiative to learn things on their own but with me running between my roles, I just don't have the time to sit down and go through the same things over and over again. So where do I bridge the gap between teaching a person to fish or just do the work on my own and save myself the agony?
My teaching years has taught me that not everyone has the intelligence to get it right the first time and not everyone has the initiative to learn things on their own but with me running between my roles, I just don't have the time to sit down and go through the same things over and over again. So where do I bridge the gap between teaching a person to fish or just do the work on my own and save myself the agony?
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Value of friends
As one gets older it gets harder to get to know people who sincerely just wants to be friends with you because of who you are. Therefore it saddens one to know that, after being friends for such a long time, there is still a need to test friends on what lengths they will go for you. I guess society probably makes a person so jaded that even years of friendship doesn't withstand it.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
A day full of drama
Well, some days are really that bad that you know where movies come from...
It happened on that fateful day I decided to stay over at my parents place so that I can 'look' after the house for them and that day I happen to work from home in the morning as I have a dental appointment in the afternoon. Here's a run down on the sequence of events:
1. Decides to go buy lunch. Wanted to bring keys hanging behind the door because it has the letter box keys and I probably should open the letter box to check for mails.
2. Took lift down, pocket seems empty, realised forgot to bring keys, I locked myself out of the house *gasps*.
3. Grandma stays nearby, has house keys. Called her house, no answer. Called her mobile, no answer. Called grandpa out of desperation. He says she's at Parkway and she forgot to bring her mobile.
4. Desperated, took cab to Parkway, luckily found her sitting on one of the benches resting. But she didn't have my house keys with her, it's at home. Will have to get keys from her later in the evening when she returns.
5. Bummed around Parkway till time's up to go for dentist. Damn painful coz needed 2 jabs for the anesthesia to work. Dentist says tooth is soft coz it's easy to cut, not a good sign. Probably lack in calcium. I'm aging before my time!
6. Went the grandma's place. Could only eat porridge. Pain shot to the head after the anethesia wore off. Took keys and went back home.
7. Horrors of horrors. Wrong set of keys. Unable to open door. Hubby went back to get other set of keys from grandma. Finally one of the set could open the gate but couldn't open the door!
8. Finally have to wait till my brother comes back to save us from being homeless.
Lesson learnt: The only thing you really really need to bring with you when you are out is actually just your wallet and handphone. No keys? Someone will have them anyway. Hahaha.
It happened on that fateful day I decided to stay over at my parents place so that I can 'look' after the house for them and that day I happen to work from home in the morning as I have a dental appointment in the afternoon. Here's a run down on the sequence of events:
1. Decides to go buy lunch. Wanted to bring keys hanging behind the door because it has the letter box keys and I probably should open the letter box to check for mails.
2. Took lift down, pocket seems empty, realised forgot to bring keys, I locked myself out of the house *gasps*.
3. Grandma stays nearby, has house keys. Called her house, no answer. Called her mobile, no answer. Called grandpa out of desperation. He says she's at Parkway and she forgot to bring her mobile.
4. Desperated, took cab to Parkway, luckily found her sitting on one of the benches resting. But she didn't have my house keys with her, it's at home. Will have to get keys from her later in the evening when she returns.
5. Bummed around Parkway till time's up to go for dentist. Damn painful coz needed 2 jabs for the anesthesia to work. Dentist says tooth is soft coz it's easy to cut, not a good sign. Probably lack in calcium. I'm aging before my time!
6. Went the grandma's place. Could only eat porridge. Pain shot to the head after the anethesia wore off. Took keys and went back home.
7. Horrors of horrors. Wrong set of keys. Unable to open door. Hubby went back to get other set of keys from grandma. Finally one of the set could open the gate but couldn't open the door!
8. Finally have to wait till my brother comes back to save us from being homeless.
Lesson learnt: The only thing you really really need to bring with you when you are out is actually just your wallet and handphone. No keys? Someone will have them anyway. Hahaha.
Saturday, August 02, 2008
Lemongrass Jelly
Ok, here is the easiest recipe from the cooking lesson.
Ingredients:
Lemongrass - 200-300g bruised and cut short
Pandan leaf - 100g (knot the leaves)
Kaffir lime leaf - 4-5 leaves
Ice jelly powder - 1 sachet (can substitute with agar agar powder or konnyaku powder)
Water - 2 litres (depending on instructions of the powder used)
Sugar - 1 cup (depending on instructions of the powder used)
Method:
1. Put all ingredients into a large pot except the sugar and the ice jelly powder. Bring to boil about 15-20 mins over low to medium heat and cover the lid.
2. Mix the jelly powder and sugar well.
3. Strain the mixture and pour required amount of liquid into the jelly powder and sugar mix.
4. Stir well and let it cool.
5. When jelly set, scoop into bowl and top with lime sherbert and mint leaf.
Ingredients:
Lemongrass - 200-300g bruised and cut short
Pandan leaf - 100g (knot the leaves)
Kaffir lime leaf - 4-5 leaves
Ice jelly powder - 1 sachet (can substitute with agar agar powder or konnyaku powder)
Water - 2 litres (depending on instructions of the powder used)
Sugar - 1 cup (depending on instructions of the powder used)
Method:
1. Put all ingredients into a large pot except the sugar and the ice jelly powder. Bring to boil about 15-20 mins over low to medium heat and cover the lid.
2. Mix the jelly powder and sugar well.
3. Strain the mixture and pour required amount of liquid into the jelly powder and sugar mix.
4. Stir well and let it cool.
5. When jelly set, scoop into bowl and top with lime sherbert and mint leaf.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Private dining
In case you think I'm not blogging anymore, think again. Hahaha. Anyway restrictions on resources at the new place (partly due to laziness) makes it difficult to come online to do any random stuff. Now turning on the laptop is restricted to strictly on a need basis. Sighs.... 4 months down the road, now I really feel the urgeto have my own place. It is just not the same living under somebody else's house rules, no matter how accomodating the other person can be. Anyway I am here to blog about my great experience over the weekend and I think this definitely warrants an entry of its own!
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My very first experience of private dining at Forest Leong's place marks a very wonderful experience! Not only is the hostess a very warm and friendly person, she is a great cook. Given that herself is Thai (which explains the Thai menu), her husband is a chinese chef and her dad is a western chef, you can imagine how good the food is.
The food is fantastic although it is your simple everyday Thai food that can be found in common foodcourts, somehow there's this thing about home-cooked food that just taste better and especially when we see it being prepared right in front of our eyes. We had Tom Yum Prawn soup, Lemongrass roast chicken, Olive fried rice and Lemongrass jelly.
A very relax session with a wonderful hostess and a bunch of friendly strangers. :) I don't mind going again.
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My very first experience of private dining at Forest Leong's place marks a very wonderful experience! Not only is the hostess a very warm and friendly person, she is a great cook. Given that herself is Thai (which explains the Thai menu), her husband is a chinese chef and her dad is a western chef, you can imagine how good the food is.
The food is fantastic although it is your simple everyday Thai food that can be found in common foodcourts, somehow there's this thing about home-cooked food that just taste better and especially when we see it being prepared right in front of our eyes. We had Tom Yum Prawn soup, Lemongrass roast chicken, Olive fried rice and Lemongrass jelly.
A very relax session with a wonderful hostess and a bunch of friendly strangers. :) I don't mind going again.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Long break from blog
I realised it's been such a long time since I last blogged anything. Well nothing new, except that I am married and now moved in to stay with the MIL. I never thought I would but well, in a blink of an eye everything just sort of grow into normalcy and I have sort of gotten used to staying over at there but somehow it just never felt like home. The best part of the house is still the little bedroom where I get to surf net on the bed.
Anyways we have been such procrastinators that we never got down to do many things that we are suppose to do after the wedding, including sifting through all the wedding photos and posting them online. :P We are suppose to do major house hunting as well but never got around our ass to do it. I tried to blog some weeks back but ended up with just one line and then saved it as a draft and never completed it. Sighs. Too slack. Time to find some drive back before I die rotting on the bed.
This week the hubs and MIL are out of town so I am back to home sweet home, the familiar old! It's so so nice to be back where I can close my eyes and still move around the house knowing where everything are. But then again it's not quite the same because my room has been turned into a storeroom and my brother conveniently moved his cupboard over! I think they really think I am not coming back for good. I miss my life back home. Made me realised how nice it is to have a drink waiting back home for you, hot dinners.... My parents really gave me everything i needed and I hope that in future I can provide the same for my children.
OK, this week I shall aspire to sort my wedding photos and post them online! Keep a look out for them!
Anyways we have been such procrastinators that we never got down to do many things that we are suppose to do after the wedding, including sifting through all the wedding photos and posting them online. :P We are suppose to do major house hunting as well but never got around our ass to do it. I tried to blog some weeks back but ended up with just one line and then saved it as a draft and never completed it. Sighs. Too slack. Time to find some drive back before I die rotting on the bed.
This week the hubs and MIL are out of town so I am back to home sweet home, the familiar old! It's so so nice to be back where I can close my eyes and still move around the house knowing where everything are. But then again it's not quite the same because my room has been turned into a storeroom and my brother conveniently moved his cupboard over! I think they really think I am not coming back for good. I miss my life back home. Made me realised how nice it is to have a drink waiting back home for you, hot dinners.... My parents really gave me everything i needed and I hope that in future I can provide the same for my children.
OK, this week I shall aspire to sort my wedding photos and post them online! Keep a look out for them!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Groomzilla exists!
Check out this article I found on the net.:
Lonely 'Bridezilla,' Make Way for 'Groomzilla'
Friday, June 17, 2005
By Catherine Donaldson-Evans
NEW YORK — The monster bride, the one who becomes demanding, spoiled and downright evil about her impending wedding (Star Jones, anyone?), is a well-known stereotype. There's even a nickname for her: "Bridezilla."
Now, with more guys getting into the Big Day brouhaha, brides-turned-scary-giant-reptiles have company. Meet "Groomzilla."
"They can turn into little tyrants," wedding expert Sharon Naylor, author of "The Groom's Guide", said of the new frantic grooms. "Even though it's about a wedding, it becomes very territorial."
The transformation from the "just show up in your tux" husband-to-be to the involved, micro-managerial, teeth-baring groom can be explained by the change in who's organizing and paying for that walk down the aisle.
More than 80 percent of husbands-to-be are full planning partners for weddings today, according to Bridal Guide magazine.
And 27 percent of couples are paying for weddings entirely on their own, Brides magazine reports — more than the 25 percent who still rely on the lady's family to foot the whole nasty bill.
Then there's the national average cost of a wedding, which rose this year to $26,327 for a 164- guest affair, according to Fairchild Bridal Group's 2005 "American Wedding Study" (Fairchild owns Brides, Modern Bride, Elegant Bride and other industry publications). Prices soar higher in urban areas.
"The groom is getting more involved and he's obviously paying for it," said Cynthia Hornblower, executive editor of Brides magazine. "He's getting more stressed out. There's a lot more on his plate."
Naylor said she's heard of angry grooms who have "flipped out and gotten rage-angry at the florist or cake baker."
"It's a really interesting time for grooms — they're kind of breaking new ground," she said. "The groom is in the bubble bath trying to relax and thinking, 'How did I get here?'"
Groomzillas in all their ballistic fury are still a small-but-growing breed. Perhaps more common than Scary Groom is Very Helpful to the Point of Excess Groom.
"I'm not going overboard. I'm not Groomzilla or anything like that," said one such fiancé, 26-year-old Jason Miller.
A curious-by-nature engineer, Miller has done the bulk of the planning (with wedding consultant Angela Alcantar) for his Kansas City nuptials because his bride-to-be, Angela Roberts, was an out-of-town grad student for much of their engagement. And truth be told, Miller kind of enjoys the involved groom role.
"I like knowing how everything works and what the schedule is for stuff," he said. "It kind of drives my fiancée crazy. Whenever we meet with someone, I ask any and all questions."
Among his top-of-mind concerns was the music at his reception. He was desperately seeking a laid-back spin doctor who wasn't jockeying for the limelight.
"One thing I was particular about is the DJ. I don't like pushy, game-show host DJs," Miller said. "We would go to every bridal fair — I went to more than she did — and I'd ask, 'What kind of personality does your DJ have?'"
Planning a wedding can be as stressful as a big presentation at the office, and unless they're colleagues already, it might be the first time bride- and groom-to-be are working jointly on a huge project.
In that vein, it might also be the first significant time they get to see each other's management styles and ability to handle deadlines and stress. And the bride is still usually the boss when it comes to throwing a wedding.
"All of a sudden, she's the CEO of you — so how's that going to work?" Naylor said. "You're seeing each other's working styles ... in a partnership on a big project that's emotionally and financially loaded."
Alcantar said the male half of one couple whose nuptials she's coordinating definitely falls into the "Groomzilla" category.
"I have one of those," she said. "He's so anal. He's been a bit of a challenge and we just need to hold his hand a little bit. He's very involved."
Her groom-from-hell wanted 100 hotel rooms reserved by month's end with only two weeks notice, even though his wedding day is five months away.
He was also having meltdowns over where the groomsmen will rent their tuxedos. And there was a change of churches because the guest list has been rising faster than the mercury on a hot day — it's now up to 475, and the original ceremony site could hold only 400.
But let's be frank. Bridezillas haven't gone extinct. They're still out there — and are often the force driving a Very Helpful Groom.
Andrew Gerth, 27, is doing a lot of his wedding planning (also with Alcantar) partly because, he says, he's the calm one while his betrothed, Tiffany Brauer, is the more high-strung of the two.
"I'm not too stressed, but Tiffany gets really stressed easily. That's one of the reasons I'm helping out," said Gerth, of Parrish, Fla.
To alleviate some of the headache over coordinating their wedding from out-of-state, he did contract negotiations on hiring Alcantar, and he's the one running interference between his mother and his soon-to-be bride. But is she a Bridezilla-to-be?
"I think there's potential — there's always potential," Gerth said, chuckling.
Among other reasons grooms are more attuned: Couples today are older (and thus, more opinionated), and over 50 percent live together before they tie the knot, according to Brides magazine, so the hubby-to-be can't help getting involved.
Modern weddings also require monstrous amounts of work, money and manpower for a pair to get hitched without a hitch — so both partners' input is needed. And couples function differently today, with defined gender roles fading.
"Increasingly, young couples see themselves as a support team. They support each other in whatever they're doing," said Charles T. Hill, Whittier College psychology professor and author of the well-known Boston Couples Study. "It becomes a couple's responsibility, not just a bride's responsibility."
Sometimes there are other things going on behind the stress about the reception hall, the invitations, the dress and the photographer. While they're blowing their tops over party-planning minutiae, there could be deeper underlying issues they're not addressing.
"The wedding is about the marriage, which gets avoided sometimes," Naylor said. "Focusing on the details of the party and not on the plans for the marriage — beliefs about kids, religion, money — is usually what's underneath the Bridezilla and Groomzilla behavior."
And sometimes these fears and concerns cause severe cases of cold feet.
Franz Wisner, 39, from Los Angeles, didn't have Bridezilla on his hands — he had the opposite: Aloof, Flaky Bride who Wisner said wore her engagement ring sporadically and only took on the job of mailing out the invitations, which were late.
"I picked up the ball and ran with it. I'm much more a list-maker and overachiever type, so whatever she didn't do, I did, with the hope that she'd come around."
She didn't. Instead, she turned into a runaway bride.
"She didn't do much planning at all — that, in retrospect was a huge red flag that I should have paid more attention to. I ended up doing more and more of the planning and footing more and more of the bill," he said. "Then, in the days before the wedding, I got dumped."
Wisner wound up holding the wedding anyway for his family and friends, and then taking his honeymoon to Costa Rica with his brother. His book on the adventure, "Honeymoon With My Brother," came out in February, and a movie based on it is in the works, he said.
Happily, more often than not, the only issue behind brides' and grooms' frazzled nerves is the milestone of going from singlehood to marriage and the job of pulling off the day that starts them on that journey.
"I wouldn't read anything into it other than the stress of the wedding itself," said Hill, the couples psychologist. "Marriage is a huge adjustment. [The wedding is] the first test of the marriage. If they can handle that, they're in good shape."
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'Nuff said about the groomzilla. Hahaha.
Lonely 'Bridezilla,' Make Way for 'Groomzilla'
Friday, June 17, 2005
By Catherine Donaldson-Evans
NEW YORK — The monster bride, the one who becomes demanding, spoiled and downright evil about her impending wedding (Star Jones, anyone?), is a well-known stereotype. There's even a nickname for her: "Bridezilla."
Now, with more guys getting into the Big Day brouhaha, brides-turned-scary-giant-reptiles have company. Meet "Groomzilla."
"They can turn into little tyrants," wedding expert Sharon Naylor, author of "The Groom's Guide", said of the new frantic grooms. "Even though it's about a wedding, it becomes very territorial."
The transformation from the "just show up in your tux" husband-to-be to the involved, micro-managerial, teeth-baring groom can be explained by the change in who's organizing and paying for that walk down the aisle.
More than 80 percent of husbands-to-be are full planning partners for weddings today, according to Bridal Guide magazine.
And 27 percent of couples are paying for weddings entirely on their own, Brides magazine reports — more than the 25 percent who still rely on the lady's family to foot the whole nasty bill.
Then there's the national average cost of a wedding, which rose this year to $26,327 for a 164- guest affair, according to Fairchild Bridal Group's 2005 "American Wedding Study" (Fairchild owns Brides, Modern Bride, Elegant Bride and other industry publications). Prices soar higher in urban areas.
"The groom is getting more involved and he's obviously paying for it," said Cynthia Hornblower, executive editor of Brides magazine. "He's getting more stressed out. There's a lot more on his plate."
Naylor said she's heard of angry grooms who have "flipped out and gotten rage-angry at the florist or cake baker."
"It's a really interesting time for grooms — they're kind of breaking new ground," she said. "The groom is in the bubble bath trying to relax and thinking, 'How did I get here?'"
Groomzillas in all their ballistic fury are still a small-but-growing breed. Perhaps more common than Scary Groom is Very Helpful to the Point of Excess Groom.
"I'm not going overboard. I'm not Groomzilla or anything like that," said one such fiancé, 26-year-old Jason Miller.
A curious-by-nature engineer, Miller has done the bulk of the planning (with wedding consultant Angela Alcantar) for his Kansas City nuptials because his bride-to-be, Angela Roberts, was an out-of-town grad student for much of their engagement. And truth be told, Miller kind of enjoys the involved groom role.
"I like knowing how everything works and what the schedule is for stuff," he said. "It kind of drives my fiancée crazy. Whenever we meet with someone, I ask any and all questions."
Among his top-of-mind concerns was the music at his reception. He was desperately seeking a laid-back spin doctor who wasn't jockeying for the limelight.
"One thing I was particular about is the DJ. I don't like pushy, game-show host DJs," Miller said. "We would go to every bridal fair — I went to more than she did — and I'd ask, 'What kind of personality does your DJ have?'"
Planning a wedding can be as stressful as a big presentation at the office, and unless they're colleagues already, it might be the first time bride- and groom-to-be are working jointly on a huge project.
In that vein, it might also be the first significant time they get to see each other's management styles and ability to handle deadlines and stress. And the bride is still usually the boss when it comes to throwing a wedding.
"All of a sudden, she's the CEO of you — so how's that going to work?" Naylor said. "You're seeing each other's working styles ... in a partnership on a big project that's emotionally and financially loaded."
Alcantar said the male half of one couple whose nuptials she's coordinating definitely falls into the "Groomzilla" category.
"I have one of those," she said. "He's so anal. He's been a bit of a challenge and we just need to hold his hand a little bit. He's very involved."
Her groom-from-hell wanted 100 hotel rooms reserved by month's end with only two weeks notice, even though his wedding day is five months away.
He was also having meltdowns over where the groomsmen will rent their tuxedos. And there was a change of churches because the guest list has been rising faster than the mercury on a hot day — it's now up to 475, and the original ceremony site could hold only 400.
But let's be frank. Bridezillas haven't gone extinct. They're still out there — and are often the force driving a Very Helpful Groom.
Andrew Gerth, 27, is doing a lot of his wedding planning (also with Alcantar) partly because, he says, he's the calm one while his betrothed, Tiffany Brauer, is the more high-strung of the two.
"I'm not too stressed, but Tiffany gets really stressed easily. That's one of the reasons I'm helping out," said Gerth, of Parrish, Fla.
To alleviate some of the headache over coordinating their wedding from out-of-state, he did contract negotiations on hiring Alcantar, and he's the one running interference between his mother and his soon-to-be bride. But is she a Bridezilla-to-be?
"I think there's potential — there's always potential," Gerth said, chuckling.
Among other reasons grooms are more attuned: Couples today are older (and thus, more opinionated), and over 50 percent live together before they tie the knot, according to Brides magazine, so the hubby-to-be can't help getting involved.
Modern weddings also require monstrous amounts of work, money and manpower for a pair to get hitched without a hitch — so both partners' input is needed. And couples function differently today, with defined gender roles fading.
"Increasingly, young couples see themselves as a support team. They support each other in whatever they're doing," said Charles T. Hill, Whittier College psychology professor and author of the well-known Boston Couples Study. "It becomes a couple's responsibility, not just a bride's responsibility."
Sometimes there are other things going on behind the stress about the reception hall, the invitations, the dress and the photographer. While they're blowing their tops over party-planning minutiae, there could be deeper underlying issues they're not addressing.
"The wedding is about the marriage, which gets avoided sometimes," Naylor said. "Focusing on the details of the party and not on the plans for the marriage — beliefs about kids, religion, money — is usually what's underneath the Bridezilla and Groomzilla behavior."
And sometimes these fears and concerns cause severe cases of cold feet.
Franz Wisner, 39, from Los Angeles, didn't have Bridezilla on his hands — he had the opposite: Aloof, Flaky Bride who Wisner said wore her engagement ring sporadically and only took on the job of mailing out the invitations, which were late.
"I picked up the ball and ran with it. I'm much more a list-maker and overachiever type, so whatever she didn't do, I did, with the hope that she'd come around."
She didn't. Instead, she turned into a runaway bride.
"She didn't do much planning at all — that, in retrospect was a huge red flag that I should have paid more attention to. I ended up doing more and more of the planning and footing more and more of the bill," he said. "Then, in the days before the wedding, I got dumped."
Wisner wound up holding the wedding anyway for his family and friends, and then taking his honeymoon to Costa Rica with his brother. His book on the adventure, "Honeymoon With My Brother," came out in February, and a movie based on it is in the works, he said.
Happily, more often than not, the only issue behind brides' and grooms' frazzled nerves is the milestone of going from singlehood to marriage and the job of pulling off the day that starts them on that journey.
"I wouldn't read anything into it other than the stress of the wedding itself," said Hill, the couples psychologist. "Marriage is a huge adjustment. [The wedding is] the first test of the marriage. If they can handle that, they're in good shape."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
'Nuff said about the groomzilla. Hahaha.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Food Tasting 1
Went for food tasting last night. The food was generally good in my opinion but what I was most afraid of was my mum and grandfather making comments that the food is not good. Luckily no major unhappiness with the food but we still end up having to change 3 dishes. The food tasting dishes are really ridiculously humongous in portions! For a table of 10, I think it's enough to even feed 12 or more people.
After the unpleasantness the previous manager made us go through, the guy yesterday was quite nice, in fact, I felt that he's probably afraid that we will be unhappy so he threaded on careful grounds hehe. Good for him, we are generally pleased with his services.
More food tasting this coming Sunday. It's the buffet one. Hope it's cool as well hehe.
p.s: I never notice that there's a count for number of entries posted on the dashboard page. Turns out that I have posted 101 entries and this is the 102nd! hehe
After the unpleasantness the previous manager made us go through, the guy yesterday was quite nice, in fact, I felt that he's probably afraid that we will be unhappy so he threaded on careful grounds hehe. Good for him, we are generally pleased with his services.
More food tasting this coming Sunday. It's the buffet one. Hope it's cool as well hehe.
p.s: I never notice that there's a count for number of entries posted on the dashboard page. Turns out that I have posted 101 entries and this is the 102nd! hehe
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Late night in the office
I am blogging live from my workstation now at 7.40pm. I have to stay back today to take a call from the US at the ungodly time of 8.30pm to 10pm. My only fear is that by the time the call ends at 10pm, I'm the only one left in this level. *looks around uncomfortably*
The reminder email for today's call says that this is only the beginning of the calls. They want to hold 2 of these every quarter!!!!!! *faints*
In future, I shall make sure I invest in a bloody good corded phone so that I can take the calls at home instead of staying back so late in the office! In the meantime, back to work on more stuffs that's due tomorrow.
The reminder email for today's call says that this is only the beginning of the calls. They want to hold 2 of these every quarter!!!!!! *faints*
In future, I shall make sure I invest in a bloody good corded phone so that I can take the calls at home instead of staying back so late in the office! In the meantime, back to work on more stuffs that's due tomorrow.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Memories are made of these
As I am clearing my room these few days, today I came across lots of old cards and letters kept from eons ago. There are cards dated all the way back to my primary school days! I know I'm being a sucker for hoarding all these useless stuff but they serve as a piece of memory of old friends that I otherwise would have forgotten and many more whom we do not keep in touch anymore as we move on with our lives.
The most cards came from my best friend since our secondary school days. Haha the things we write to each other when I read again seems so funny but it spells of friendship true. We've had our ups and downs but nonetheless still friends after all these years. Hopefully after we are married, we still stay in touch as best friends.
The next most number of cards come from the days when I was teaching. Being a teacher I received lots of cards, not just from students but also from fellow colleagues. I'm blessed to have known such great people.
Recent years, the cards I receive are mostly birthday cards or farewell cards or invitation cards. With the internet being so common now, there's fewer reasons to send a card just to ask how you are. Thus all the more I cherish the old cards that I received.
The most cards came from my best friend since our secondary school days. Haha the things we write to each other when I read again seems so funny but it spells of friendship true. We've had our ups and downs but nonetheless still friends after all these years. Hopefully after we are married, we still stay in touch as best friends.
The next most number of cards come from the days when I was teaching. Being a teacher I received lots of cards, not just from students but also from fellow colleagues. I'm blessed to have known such great people.
Recent years, the cards I receive are mostly birthday cards or farewell cards or invitation cards. With the internet being so common now, there's fewer reasons to send a card just to ask how you are. Thus all the more I cherish the old cards that I received.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Lijuan & Jac's wedding
It's a fun wedding in it's own different way.
The day before I went with the bride for a manicure and pedicure and a massage too! Massage is good. I shall consider going on a more regular basis.
I was the official skirt puller/lifter for the first time as a jiemei. Not an easy job with a fast moving bride. Then have to help the bride to change clothes and remove and put on new hair accessories.
But the best part is I get to meet most of my vendors today! We engaged the same photographer and the same wedding band! It's great to get to meet them before our own wedding. I'm impressed with the photographer and I'm glad I made the right choice. The wedding band at the wedding today had the main male singer and he has a charismatic voice but being the only singer is a disadvantage as some songs are not suitable for him. But too bad we will not be getting him for our wedding as he's engaged prior to our request. Oh well, the other guy is just as good.
Anyway, congratulations to Lijuan and Jac!! May the both of you enjoy many years of blissful marriage ahead! :)
The day before I went with the bride for a manicure and pedicure and a massage too! Massage is good. I shall consider going on a more regular basis.
I was the official skirt puller/lifter for the first time as a jiemei. Not an easy job with a fast moving bride. Then have to help the bride to change clothes and remove and put on new hair accessories.
But the best part is I get to meet most of my vendors today! We engaged the same photographer and the same wedding band! It's great to get to meet them before our own wedding. I'm impressed with the photographer and I'm glad I made the right choice. The wedding band at the wedding today had the main male singer and he has a charismatic voice but being the only singer is a disadvantage as some songs are not suitable for him. But too bad we will not be getting him for our wedding as he's engaged prior to our request. Oh well, the other guy is just as good.
Anyway, congratulations to Lijuan and Jac!! May the both of you enjoy many years of blissful marriage ahead! :)
Monday, January 14, 2008
Goodbye Boon Lay, Hello CBP
Last Friday marks the last day I spend with the organization. It marks the very last morning I have to wake up at 6am to go for work! Woohoo~
I'm really pleasantly surprised that despite me being there for only a short time, everyone in the office still pooled some money together to get me a farewell gift. Actually it's quite a significant sum when everyone contributed $10 to it (I was told all except someone who had the cheek to give only $2!) and it got me a pretty decent gift which I otherwise will not have bought on my own.
It's only been a rather short-lived working experience there but it sure taught me a lot. I believe everyone that I meet and everywhere I go has its reasons and every experience is worth learning from. On to the next phase!
I'm really pleasantly surprised that despite me being there for only a short time, everyone in the office still pooled some money together to get me a farewell gift. Actually it's quite a significant sum when everyone contributed $10 to it (I was told all except someone who had the cheek to give only $2!) and it got me a pretty decent gift which I otherwise will not have bought on my own.
It's only been a rather short-lived working experience there but it sure taught me a lot. I believe everyone that I meet and everywhere I go has its reasons and every experience is worth learning from. On to the next phase!